Toasting Cornbread

The beginning of 2007 offers us a look back at the past year in sports. 2006 gave us a lot of high drama and lots of low character. Look no further than the most recent NBA brawl at Madison Square Garden, involving 10 players from the Knicks and Nuggets. Now, if we can learn one thing from that fiasco. it’s that even the tallest and most athletic of our kind can still be taken down by a simple pimp slap. Terrell Owens continued his three-ring circus production, only this time, the location was amongst the beautiful ranches of Dallas, Texas. This season, “T.O.” had a botched suicide attempt, held out from mini camp with a minor injury, and single-handedly made Bill Parcells’ life a living hell. It seems that, next to doing his job, which is catching footballs, “T.O.” has mastered the art of making old, fat, white men have nervous breakdowns. As we celebrate this New Year, we raise our half-filled glasses to the thugs of the NBA and to you, Number 81: Cheers to you, and may this year be filled with distractions and lewd acts of immaturity!Alright, enough with the national sports; we South Louisianans all know that the sports world revolves around the corner of South Stadium Drive and Nicholson Drive. No, I’m not talking about your campus drug dealer; I’m talking about your “Fighting Tigers of LSU.” Les Miles survived another season without being fired, because we all know that a coach who loses three regular-season games in two years really deserves to be fired. JaMarcus Russell really grew into his own at the quarterback position, and little 5’5” Trindon Holliday became the biggest star at season’s end.

The LSU basketball team surprisingly, without the help of John Brady, made it all the way to the Final Four in Indianapolis. Now, I’m not one to bash people, but Coach Brady has to be the luckiest coach in all the land to swoop up Glen Davis from U-High and Tyrus Thomas from McKinley, which is less than a mile off campus. I can’t wait ‘til Brady puts us through mediocre year after mediocre year, then finally, when his job’s on the line, gets a super-athletic player to save his behind for another five seasons.

Raymond “Smoke” Laval finally made his long-awaited exit from the Tiger dugout. I’m not one to believe in curses, but I believe the LSU Board of Supervisors should only accept applicants with legitimate names. The nerve of some people, trying to make a professional living using a nickname; it’s simply uncalled for.

I saved the biggest story of the year for last: the complete resurrection of the New Orleans Saints franchise. There are no jokes here, folks; the Saints are actually good, and the ground floor is only being laid. I know that the Bible lists a series of events that must happen in order for the prophecy to be complete, and if the Saints wind up in Miami, holding the Lombardi Trophy, I will look to a higher power for guidance.

With my psychic abilities peaking in the early months of the year, here are a few bold predictions for 2007:

Super Bowl XLI – February 4, 2007 – Miami, FL

Chicago Bears     81

San Diego Chargers    78

DonÂ’t fret, Saints fans. IÂ’m not giving up, just learning the art of the non-jinx. Who Dat! Shhhhh!

NCAA Men’s Final Four Championship Game – April 2, 2007 – Atlanta, GA

LSU    234

Duke     23

Call me a homer, but I think this is a very achievable goal.

NBA Finals – June 2007

New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets over the Detroit Pistons in seven games.

Don’t you dare call me a homer – I have done my research, people!

MLB World Series – October 2007

An overpaid roster will defeat a team of high-priced prima donnas to capture the World Series crown!

BCS National Championship Game – January 7, 2008 – New Orleans, LA

LSU    28

USC    13

Now everybody in town can finally take those completely tasteless FUSC bumper stickers off their cars.

Sports Quote of the Year

Kobe Bryant: "Everything was happening in slow motion for me, and you just really want to stay in that moment. You don't want to step outside of yourself and think about what is going on because then you are going to lose that rhythm. You just need to keep going, then at the endÂ…I really just felt numb. I couldn't really grasp what had just happened."

Is Kobe flashing back to his testimony from his rape trial? Makes you think!