WrestlinÂ’ School Part 2: The Ditch Pigs vs. Chocolate Thunder & Miss Big Draws

Folks, Big L here, a.k.a. “The Latin Heat” – yeah, what! – to tell you about one of the baddest brawls to happen this side of the river since that time I whipped that tire’s ass at the Zachary Sausage Festival. I’m talkin’ about the “Ditch Pigs” going up against them two tons of fun, “Chocolate Thunder and Miss Big Draws,” at the “Bear’s Den” bar and bait shop last Saturday nite.

Man, they was folks from everywhere that come out to see these heavyweights get it on – whoa! The place was packed, the beer was cold, and the women were ugly as usual. I ended up with one that looked like she got hit by a damn bus, but that’s another story. Tonite was about my boys getting their respek back.


Both teams made one hell of an entrance into the ring. The ladies came in first from the kitchen, chewin’ on turkeynecks as they walked through the cheering crowd. Justin and Donnie Ray sat at the bar and finished their Jack & Cokes while the crowd called their name — “Ditch Pigs, Ditch Pigs.” Then they got up and did the “Gone Hog Wild” dance all the way to the ring. The women was lovin’ it. They was throwin’ panties, tube tops, and banana hair clips at ‘em.

The bell rang and it was on — yeah! “Grizzly Pits” Wilkywitz went in first to square up wit “Chocolate Thunder.” She was strong, but Wilkywitz was faster and had her in the Leg Trip and Lip Grip in no time. “Miss Big Draws” reached in and grabbed “Thunder’s” foot, pulling her out of Justin’s hold. Seeing this, D.R. “Dirty Briefs” Mack David got into the ring, ran over, and stumped “Miss Big Draws” in the top of the head.

Donnie Ray wanted a piece of the action, so Justin gave him the tag and in came a fired up “Dirty Briefs!” “Thunder” quickly tagged “Big Draws” and in she came. Donnie Ray quickly caught her and gave her a Pork Grind across the top rope. Then he threw her into the “Pigs’” corner, where Justin gave her a Pork Chop to the throat. Whooooa!

“Chocolate Thunder” jumped back in the ring to help her partner out. She caught “Dirty Briefs” with one of the meanest wedgies I’ve seen in a long time. “Grizzly Pits” came flying off the top rope and caught “Chocolate Thunder” with his Pit of Death and down she went.

The boys were about to celebrate with the “Gone Hog Wild,” but “Miss Big Draws” caught ’em wit a Double Clothesline. Then she went over and woke up “Thunder.” I yelled to the boys to “get up and win this S.O.B.” Donnie Ray quickly came up and gave both of them a taste of the Mayo Payo. They couldn’t see a thing. Justin grabbed “Thunder” and rolled her out of the ring.

Donnie Ray motioned to the crowd that it was time for the Big Mack attack. “Miss Big Draws” didn’t know what hit her. “Dirty Briefs’” belly threw her all the way into the corner, and he was on the ropes, giving her lefts and rights to the head. He backed off, and she swayed out to the middle of the ring and fell.

The crowd started chanting, “Double Ditch Dive, Double Ditch Dive.” So the boys gave ’em what they wanted to see. They both climbed to the top ropes, threw their hands up, and jumped at the same time, landing two Double-Flying-Elbows to “Big Draws’” big chest. Donnie Ray went for the pin and got it. They got up and did the “Gone Hog Wild” dance and the place went wild. There was bait, beer, and blood flying everywhere. My boys had done it. They got their respek back, and I got me some tail.

Yes sir, it was a hell of a nite.

Justin & Donnie Ray are Zachary’s foulest – you’d best keep yore distance! Tap a message on out to ‘em using that hi-tech email at redneck@redshtickmagazine.com.