September 2007 BACS

Ladies, if leaving the toilet seat up is the worst thing that your man does, count your lucky stars, because there are more annoying things he could do. If you donÂ’t believe us, just ask Charlotte Moore of Spring Creek, Nevada.
The 36-year-old Moore was arrested on August 11 on a charge of driving under the influence of alcohol in ElkoCounty. Incidentally, Moore is an Elko County SheriffÂ’s Deputy. After her release from jail, the 11-year veteran was placed on administrative leave from her position as a jail deputy.
Oh, did we mention that Moore was pulled over by a fellow ElkoCounty deputy who also just happens to be her husband?
ThatÂ’s right: The off-duty Moore was pulled over in her 2004 Pontiac Grand Am by her loyal and dedicated hubby Mike Moore. In two separate accounts in a police report, he indicated that he initially stopped his coworker and life partner for either speeding or making an illegal turn. The report does not specify whether or not she had recently nagged him about not taking out the trash.
According to the Elko Daily Free Press, Charlotte Moore allegedly left the scene before being administered a Breathalyzer test. She probably thought he was just engaging in some sort of weird foreplay, but she wasnÂ’t in the mood for roadside sex in the back of his cruiser.
She likely figured out that he wasnÂ’t just feeling frisky when he pulled her over a second time and called the Elko Police Department for backup, which, according to Elko County Undersheriff Rocky Gonzales, is proper procedure. Obviously, Gonzales is single.

While neither of the Moores were available for comment, the Free Press did report that the likely-soon-to-be-former Mrs. Moore had been drinking approximately two hours earlier at a downtown business groupÂ’s wine walk. Looks like she should have decided to just keep walking all the way home.

Eventually, Charlotte Moore reportedly registered a 0.114 blood alcohol level (.08 is the legal limit). Maybe if she had done more blowing at the house, her husband wouldnÂ’t have made her blow into a tube.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from July 23 – August 26, 2007.

10. Eugenio Salazar A., 31, 1st-offense DWI, driving left of center, open-container violation, operating a vehicle without lawful presence in the U.S., driving too slow, and driverÂ’s license required. LowÂ…riÂ…derÂ…drives a little slower. LowÂ…riÂ…derÂ…donÂ’t drive too fast. Take a little trip. Take a little trip. Take a little trip and see.

9. Oliver Price B., 56, 3rd-offense DWI and forged motor vehicle inspection sticker. With age comes wisdom. Since his ride couldnÂ’t pass inspection, Oliver Price simply made a new sticker himself. Of course, next time he want to upgrade from a dot matrix printer.

8. Richard Dale C., 39, 3rd-offense DWI, obstruction of public passage, resisting an officer, and open container in public. To help him pass the field sobriety test, Dick Dale tries to visualize himself surfing while walking the straight line. Unfortunately, he had a wipeout.

7. Kelly W., 38, 1st-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, speeding, improper lane usage, possession of a firearm with drugs, possession of Schedule III drugs, possession of marijuana, and expired motor vehicle inspection sticker. “That’s not a real gun, officer! That’s just a pistol bong. The only thing it fires is the fire.”

6. Andres F., 29, 1st-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle, suspended driver’s license, possession of Schedule IV drugs, misrepresentation during booking, resisting an officer, bringing contraband into a penal institution, and possession of marijuana. Whenever Andres played Monopoly® and landed in jail, he liked to pretend that he really was an inmate. Even when he was “just visiting,” he claimed that he was smuggling contraband to the inmates. As for the misrepresentation charge, when he was asked for his name, Andres reportedly told police he was “The Thimble.”

5. Kendra C., 29, 1st-offense DWI, battery of a police officer, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of cocaine, improper lane usage, and resisting an officer. Fellas, if you happen to take Kendra out on a date, you might notice that she frequently goes to the bathroom to “powder her nose.”

4. Patrick Lee G., 25, 1st-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle, possession of Schedule I drugs, possession of Schedule III drugs, possession of Schedule IV drugs, and bringing contraband into a penal institution. Patrick Lee always dreamed of becoming a pharmacist one day. He refused to let a little thing like not getting into pharmacy school stop him from reaching his goal of being surrounded by drugs. Nice going, P. L.

3. Houston Tyler L., 20, 3rd-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, hit and run, purchasing or possession of alcohol under 21 years old, and drinking in a motor vehicle. Houston, we have a drinking problem. Since heÂ’s named after two Texas cities, hopefully his liver is as big as the LoneStarState.

2. Judah Benjamin R., 24, 4th-offense DWI, driverÂ’s license suspended or revoked, open-container violation, resisting an officer, and careless operation of a vehicle. Oy vey! Judah Benjamin just missed out on the Judge Don Johnson Trophy. What a shande! His bubbie is going to be farklemt when she finds out.

1. Michael W., 28, 5th-offense DWI, speeding, improper lane usage, disobeying a red light, headlights required, brake lights required, inspection sticker expired, proof of insurance required, and open-container violation. Speeding with no brake lights or headlights? You can never tell if Michael is coming or going! One thingÂ’s for sure, though. He managed to find his way to this monthÂ’s BACS number-one spot!

Congratulations, Michael. YouÂ’ve won this installment of the Blood Alcohol Championship. WeÂ’ll all be looking out for you on the roads. To claim your trophy, simply pick up a copy of Red Shtick and cut it out. Just be careful not to cut your finger in the process.