Robots and HollyRedStickWood

It's hot out there. Louisiana hot. It's hot enough to cook things in your shorts. Yes, crotch-pot cooking is the order of the day at this summery time in our Bayou State. And where better to escape the humidity that permeates the very groin of your being than in a nice, cool movie theater? WouldnÂ’t it be nice? Of course, I always have to get the nachos with the extra jalapenos, so my summertime persists long after the movie experience is over. It's called posterior sunburn. But I digressÂ… You should see a movie or two; keep the economy going. It's your duty as an American. That's the model of capitalism. Spend and buy. Buy and spend. And then save some so you can buy more.The new Transformers movie is coming out. And I say, it's about time. There is something I don't understand about the human reaction to these mechanical beings. Robots have arrived, and for some reason, everyone is embracing the idea of them being around. Yes, there are good ones as well as bad ones, but for some reason, everybody is shortsighted about the inevitabilities this entails.So, yeah, Pete down the street has an SUV that turns into a big ol' robot. Awesome, huh? Well, if all it does is blow fire and eat littler cars, then yeah, that's cool. If it also plays chess and teaches the kids about algebra, you should watch out.

Think about movies where robots start out all smart and taking care of us fleshy beings. It all starts out fine and dandy, but thenÂ…I, Robot: the robots become self-aware and want to rule mankindÂ…Terminator: the robots' main brain becomes self-aware and decides to eliminate mankindÂ…The Matrix: robots become self-aware and decide to use the human race as batteries. Batteries!!! I don't know about you, but I don't want to get stuck up in no drum-beating rabbit. Keep that in mind when you see Transformers. And realize that, in Transformers, the robots start off self-aware.

Harry Potter: Aside from being a great source for porn titles (you wouldn't have to use much imagination to change the titles of Prisoner of Azkaban and Chamber of Secrets), it looks like it'll be another great movie. I'm still waiting for my flying broom from Hasbro.

Baton Rouge: The Hollywood of the South?

There are more movies set in Los Angeles and New York than anywhere else. Think of all the big movies that actually have earthly geographic settings. OkayÂ…of the top 10 domestic movies (I'm talking dollars here; you can say Citizen Kane is the bestest movie ever, but no one can disagree with Titanic's 600 million bucks), three of them feature locations that are here in the United States: E.T., Spider-Man, and Spider-Man 2. All of the others take place in fictional locales or are in the middle of the ocean (Titanic, Pirates 2). Elliot's family lives in Los Angeles in E.T., and your friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man is almost synonymous with the Big Apple.

The point, friends, is that L.A. features prominently in plenty of movies, and New York even more so. Heck, there are plenty of places outside of Red Stick that have movies centered on them. Are we going to sit idly by while Springfield of all places gets mad props in the Simpsons movie?

It's up to us. You and me. WeÂ’re already on the upswing in the movie business. Baton Rouge has been in about 70 big projects noted by the Internet Movie Database. Of course, that includes stuff like The Miss Teen USA Pageant (2005) and IFC 5: Battle in the Bayou, but also real movies like The Toy (Jackie Gleason and Richard Pryor!) and The Reaping. And don't forget the much maligned All the King's Men. But we need more. We need to let the nation know that we are a kickass little city.

Imagine a romantic comedy where a couple meets on the top of the State Capitol. Or a lovey montage that involves a pair of friends-turning-lovers rolling down the step-like hills of the Old State Capitol, watching catfish get bludgeoned to death and filleted at Tony's (is that romantic or what?), or a Louisiana girl teaching an out-of-towner the finer point of consuming boiled crawfish. And you know the sex scenes would be awesome, ‘cause we do it better than anyone else, right?

Baton Rouge should be a big-name movie place. You can make it happen. I don't know how. However, I will be checking it out and getting back to you next month.