Marriage X-piration

Marriage expiration should be seriously considered for several reasons: Britney and K. Fed, Whitney and Bobby, Ike and TinaÂ…the list goes on. If marriage licenses could be set to expire every two to four years, perhaps people would be less reluctant to get married and less afraid to separate.
Marriage expiration is certainly more appealing than divorce, because you leave with what you came with and there are no court costs. Of course, expiration should be contingent upon reasonable parameters, such as a “no children clause,” among other things.
WouldnÂ’t it be great to test out your partner prior to making a long-term commitment? LetÂ’s be honest: You really donÂ’t discover everything about your mate until after youÂ’ve lived together for at least one year. Shall we talk about that first year?
Guys, you fall asleep with Cleopatra and wake up with Liz Taylor after 50. Ladies, you get sad watching your husbandÂ’s six-pack evolve into a keg after that first year of home cooking. You may also reconsider your nuptials after having to untie several dirty, knotted socks that heÂ’s thrown all over the laundry room in a faithful attempt to shoot a three-pointer. Guys, would you consider allowing your marriage to expire after having to embrace a slightly heavier woman weighing five, ten, fifty pounds more than she did when you married her?
Recent studies reveal that two of the top five causes of divorce are financial strain and emotional stress. A two-year marriage expiration clause could remedy this problem. For example, when you see your wife hiding shoes in the trunk, you will think, “No problem, X-piration in a year.” When you hear your man call you by your first and middle names while shaking his finger in your face as he inquires about his dinner that you failed to prepare, you will think, “Who cares, X-piration in two.” The other alternative would be to ignore the growing shoe collection and risk bankruptcy after the first five years of marriage. Ignore the raised tone in your man’s voice, risking physical abuse for the next ten years, after you’ve added two kids to your family equation.

The marriage expiration ideology allows moral values to remain intact without compromising oneÂ’s beliefs: in other words, cohabitation or shacking-up. YouÂ’re no longer considered divorced, but expired. The simple truth is, deep inside, we all think that marriage X-piration is a brilliant idea, but weÂ’re too afraid to admit it.