The Game Plan – Volume I

This is the official hookup handbook from the Angry Black Man. Single people out there, I am fixing to present you with the book of game. To begin this highly in-depth series in Red Shtick Magazine, I bring to you proven – and I do mean proven in countless years of game – methods of hookin’ up in the capital city.First off, for the guys, there are four or five things that you really need:
1.Eye contact – trust me, it works.
2.First impression is always the best impression.
3.A good wingman.
4.Sweet talk – basically, being Southern and smooth.
5.How you present yourself.
For instance, if I see a young lady in the bar and I want to talk to her, I may use the following tactics. You find a part of her body thatÂ’s hot and let her know about it. If sheÂ’s got pretty teeth, let her know she has pretty teeth. If sheÂ’s got beautiful hair, just let her know sheÂ’s got beautiful hair. If sheÂ’s got pretty feet with no husk on it, let her know.

The approach is everything, and this is when first impression comes into the field of play. Remember, always have your best and freshest gear on, and make sure you’re wearing the best cologne that you could possibly purchase that doesn’t have Old Spice®, Brut®, Avon, or Canoe in the name.

And the whipped cream on top of the pie is confidence. You got to have confidence. Confidence is like deer corn to a woman. And just a teaspoon of arrogance. And even if youÂ’re not interested in what theyÂ’re saying, act interested. Trust me, women like to talk about their problems, and nine times out of ten, we always end up talking about us to women.

Next up, itÂ’s the ladies. I know what youÂ’re saying, girls: What the heck does a short, black, angry man from South Baton Rouge know about what I want? I know this: Every woman wants a significant other, some more than others.

Some of you are challenged in the beauty department; some are gorgeous. To me, there’s no such thing as an ugly woman. If you look around, ugly people are hooking up and getting married all over Baton Rouge. Trust me, I’ve seen it. How they do it? That is a book that Dr. Phil has to write, ‘cause basically, I am flabbergasted on that one.

Now pay attention, ladies, and read this carefully. Men are very shallow. WeÂ’re very self-absorbed, very anal. Young men hate relationships, but somehow, someway, yÂ’all hoodwink us into them, because somehow, we figure having some cream is better than no cream.

So you want to know why we donÂ’t commit? Basically, the reason we donÂ’t commit is because weÂ’re always thinking about the next skirt, which really isnÂ’t better than the skirt that we have, but weÂ’re always thinking about it and wondering. IÂ’m not getting sentimental, but IÂ’m at that age where IÂ’m comfortable with being who I am, and IÂ’ve been through it all: the window bussaÂ’, the stalker, and my unfavorite, the pistol toter.

But if you want to achieve and find a great guy, always remember this: If it quacks like a duck, itÂ’s a duck. If it seems too good to be true, nine times out of ten, it is.

Well guys, I was gonna get into the art and science of dating, but IÂ’ll tell you about that next month. And I havenÂ’t forgot the story of the girl ordering shrimp fried rice at Ralph & KacooÂ’sÂ…

Jeramaine Jingles is an angry black man – a VERY angry black man. If you want a piece of this, holla to angry@redshtickmagazine.com.