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Ulysses “Bones” Addison and Lorri Burgess

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We always had a sneaking suspicion that the phrase “will of the people” meant absolutely nothing to some members of the East Baton Rouge Parish Metro Council. Now, thanks to their actions following the overwhelming approval of a parish-wide directive to legalize alcohol sales on Sundays, we know for certain that at least two of them don’t give a damn what the people want.

Presidential Pets: Where Do They Stand on the Issues?

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Last month, George Bush’s approval rating dropped to 31%. It would have dropped even lower had President Bush’s Scottish terrier, Barney, not participated in the latest telephone poll:

ELECTION SHOCKER: Saban Wins in Primary for Biggest A–hole

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BATON ROUGE – Nick Saban garnered 50.2% of the vote in October 20 balloting, defeating his three opponents and avoiding a runoff for the distinction as Louisiana’s biggest a–hole.
Official statewide returns show SabanÂ’s campaign benefited from a last-minute surge and edged New Orleans Congressman Bill Jefferson by less than 1,000 votes to claim victory in the primary election. David Duke and Derrick Todd Lee were a distant third and fourth, respectively.
Meanwhile, Louisiana Democrats said they plan to launch a legal challenge to the results.

The Dirty Laundry of Your Made-Up Friend Revealed!

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J.K. Rowling shocked the world last month with the revelation that Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series was gay.  Gay?!  Not Dumbledore, the wise father figure, complete with flowing robes and long white hair.  Not the greatest wizard in a completely fictional world.  Anyone but him!!

Singledom Recovery

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Breaking up is hard to do. It’s painful, sometimes bitter, and sometimes bittersweet. Failed love turns into angry text messages at 3am from outside Cadillac Cafe. It morphs into you sitting alone in the dark, recalling every little detail about your ex while blubbering into a box of tissues. But no matter how it ends, it is how you recover that seems to matter the most.

Mutts & Moms

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True animal lovers (not the kind to which Judge Darrell White was referring when speaking in opposition to the One Baton Rouge resolution) understand that often the bonds between people and their pets can become stronger than those with other human beings. If you need proof, just consider how many New Orleanians refused to evacuate during Katrina because they couldnÂ’t bring their four-legged family members with them.

A Few “Bones” to Pick

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I was very excited to vote last month.  FINALLY!  They had left it up to the people of East Baton Rouge Parish as to whether we should be able to buy alcohol on Sundays.  It won by a landslide.  I was insanely happy…but it was all for naught.

 

The Digital Crackhead: November Releases Reviewed

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·        Resident Evil®: The Umbrella Chronicles  (WII) – That umbrella ought to come in handy since itÂ’s raining sh–tty video games.·        Painkiller: Overdose  (PC) – Boredom: Overdose.
·        WWE SmackDown! vs. RAW 2008  (X360, PS2, PS3, WII, PSP, DS) – Rednecks and mildly retarded people are already camping out for this gameÂ’s midnight release.·        Bee Movie™ Game (X360, WII, PC, PS2) – “As fun as getting attacked by killer bees!”

The Strange Case of Nurse J. and Mistress K.

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Listen ye adults to what I say,‘Bout the double life lady they dubbed Mistress K.By day, a sweet nurse at the Bedlam ward,At night, playing hell with the English Lord.Three shots of Drambuie would bring on the change,To a lady whose pleasure would come giving pain.And her reputation of breaking a man,While still giving pleasure, was known through the land.Midway through her session, the signal would be,One breast if by hand, and two if by knee.And there in the lamp light, where shadows did hide,The leather clad lady would saddle and ride.The schizoid young woman and madam of fear,Had a cat-

Float, Float On

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Remember; remember the month of November, the turkey and the dressing.  I know it's perky if the turkey receives the Thanksgiving blessing.  I'm getting hungry right now.  I need to go slather myself in gravy andÂ…wait a minute; this is not an internet chat room.  My peculiar proclivities will have to wait until another time, a time when I can get my hands on some cranberry sauce.

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