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High Hopes and Low Aspirations

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James Brown
James Brown
James Brown is not related, affiliated, or representative to or of the estate of the Godfather of Soul. Any similarity is purely coincidental.
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The Red Shtick Podcast, Episode 53: “Hang On, Sunny. We’ll Get to Miss America.”

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Publisher Jeremy White hosts a somewhat hurried episode with contributors Sunny Weathers (who has an anniversary dinner to attend) and Knick Moore (who can’t wait to go home and finally play Grand Theft Auto V).

The boys start the show with a healthy discussion about the ghettoness of different Baton Rouge neighborhoods and how the ethnic landscape can drastically change within a block or two.

A Completely Platonic Love Letter to the Smallest Woman in the World

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I’m absolutely captivated by a woman whom I have only seen on television and the internet. I don’t want this to come off as condescending (which means it will), but I’m pretty sure I need the smallest woman in the world in my life. And if I can just get my message to her somehow, someway, and let her know that I really just want what’s best for her (living with me full time), I know she will go for it!

The Bicoastal Hootenanny 0033: “It’s a Wonder He Didn’t Think They Were Still in Chicago”

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Pretentious friends… we’ve all got them. Spiders… we all fear them (right?).

Nate starts off this week’s episode bitching about a pretentious friend and a black widow spider. Meanwhile, Adam rags on Nate for being uncomfortable/afraid of roller coasters.

Inside the Numbers: CityStats Says We’re Tailgating, Christian Potheads

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Like a lot of people, I engaged in some light reading this summer. My literary choice? CityStats, Baton Rouge Area Foundation’s annual scorecard on the quality of life in East Baton Rouge Parish.

City-Stats-2013Let me say it was a real page-turner! There were so many plot twists and turns, my head is still spinning!

Moonbeam Capital Investments Seeks Refund on Purchase of Cortana “Shithole”

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The Las Vegas real estate company that bought Cortana Mall for $6 million earlier this year is now suffering from a case of buyer’s remorse and wants to annul the purchase.

Moonbeam Capital Investments added Cortana to its national portfolio of overlooked and underutilized retail centers in March with plans to lease the copious available space to retail, restaurant, and office users. After only six months of owning and operating the mall, however, those aspirations have been supplanted by regret and second-guessing.

The Red Shtick Podcast, Episode 54: “I Need a Co-sign for a 1969 Buick Riviera.”

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Publisher Jeremy White welcomes Knick Moore and comedian Howard Hall Jr. to this week’s show, which right off the bat devolves into a discussion about midget dicks and running train.

Knick and Howard reminisce about the time they starred in a rather unique ad campaign for a Baton Rouge copier company. They also debate if Howard’s “made it” yet since whoever achieves that status first has to buy the other a vintage car.

LSU Student: “I Bought These Faggy Glasses so I Could Start Blogging”

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A sophomore at LSU with perfect vision said he bought a pair of obnoxious, horned-rim glasses strictly so he could appear to be a bona fide blogger.

hipsterglassesJames Bollard said he bought the glasses last month after finally deciding to start a blog.

“All my friends have blogs and I didn’t,” Bollard said. “We’d get together at Highland Coffees, and they’d spend the whole time on their Macbooks, posting entries while I sat there like an idiot just wanting to talk. I know; I’m such a weirdo.”

Pacific Rim’s Job

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Real conversation between me and my significant other:

PacificRim-DancingBearMe: I’m going to see Pacific Rim.

Her: What’s that one about?

Me: It’s a movie about giant robots and giant monsters.

Her: And …? (raised eyebrow look, asking for more information)

Me: I don’t know what else to tell you. If you’re not sold by now, … there’s nothing more I can say.


I like dancing bears. I don’t need dancing bears, but I like them. They’re entertaining. They do things that people do, but they’re bears! It’s insane. And senseless.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: What Should Be the Title of the Next SyFy Original Movie?

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Late last week, social media fell in love with the latest original movie from the SyFy Channel: Sharknado, a classic in which “super tornadoes suck sharks up from the ocean, hurling them at L.A.” It even starred America’s sweetheart Tara Reid!

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