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September 2007 BACS

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Ladies, if leaving the toilet seat up is the worst thing that your man does, count your lucky stars, because there are more annoying things he could do. If you donÂ’t believe us, just ask Charlotte Moore of Spring Creek, Nevada.
The 36-year-old Moore was arrested on August 11 on a charge of driving under the influence of alcohol in ElkoCounty. Incidentally, Moore is an Elko County SheriffÂ’s Deputy. After her release from jail, the 11-year veteran was placed on administrative leave from her position as a jail deputy.

The Wanderful World of Science

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Science solves problems and gives us the answers to questions. We ask questions when we want answers. When nobody asks a question or has a problem, science should keep its pi hole shut.
Science has lots of legitimate work to do. AIDS and cancer need cures. We need renewable energy sources, such as more coal and oil. Science still has to figure out if the chicken came before the egg and why the hell that bird is still jaywalking for laughs. By all rights, science should have provided us a teleporter by now, and probably a holodeck, or at least that brain plug from The Matrix.

311: A Pot-Smoker Convention?

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The doors to the 311/Matisyahu concert didn’t open until six, but that wasn’t soon enough for some fanatics who had been drinking and drugging in the parking garages since probably around…3:11. Everyone was crowding and pushing, trying to get to the front of the line, chanting, “Three-eleven, three-eleven.”

Marriage X-piration

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Marriage expiration should be seriously considered for several reasons: Britney and K. Fed, Whitney and Bobby, Ike and TinaÂ…the list goes on. If marriage licenses could be set to expire every two to four years, perhaps people would be less reluctant to get married and less afraid to separate.
Marriage expiration is certainly more appealing than divorce, because you leave with what you came with and there are no court costs. Of course, expiration should be contingent upon reasonable parameters, such as a “no children clause,” among other things.

Mortal Values

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As we go about our daily lives, we are given to forget the things that make our daily lives possible. Part of the reason that we live in peace and comfort is the fact that billions before us died, so they take up less space and generally cause less trouble. Many of them died from natural causes, but others died from supernatural causes, like being killed by some a–hole.

UFC Me in the Parking Lot

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To me, and apparently, many others, there is nothing better than to watch two guys beat each other senseless with flurries of elbows, flying knees, chokes, and arm bars inside of a steel cage. That kind of fighting is much more entertaining than watching boring old boxing, where two guys circle each other, trade very few punches, and usually rely on a decision to determine the winner of the bout.

The Counseling Curmudgeon

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There are many signs of aging: wrinkles, memory loss, and the fear of new technology. Another sign involves offering unsolicited advice. Well, put some fresh tennis balls on my walker, and donÂ’t stand in front of the TV while I watch my Matlock, because IÂ’m about to dish out sage wisdom to some folks out there, whether they want it or not.

Steven Seagal

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Once upon a time, Steven Seagal was a huge box office draw. As a martial arts/action hero, he was one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood. His movies, like Hard to Kill and Under Siege, earned over $1 billion in ticket and DVD sales during the 1990s. Lately, though, Seagal’s stardom has significantly faded, to the point that his films are almost exclusively of the straight-to-video ilk.

Book ‘em, Knicko

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September is, for all intents and purposes, a boring month. Sure, there's a free Monday off, but what else? Baby Safety Month?! Ramadan begins, Rosh Hashanah happens. Come on, September, get with the program! Your buddies, August and October, are all over it.

Smoked Pork

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Dear Legal Ease,I am a devout Muslim working at a local restaurant. Islamic law prohibits me from touching any pork products. It is "haram," or forbidden. My employer is threatening to terminate me, however, since I refuse to handle food that contains pork, such as bacon cheeseburgers and club sandwiches. If I am fired for observing Allah's commandment, may I sue for religious discrimination?Achmed B.Dear Achmed,

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