School Days, School DaysÂ…

So now that all the little kiddies have gone back to school, dads are free to have a sick day at home and not worry about the rug rats cramping their style.  C'mon dads, you know you like to have the house to yourselves every once in a while.  It's not like when you were a bachelor and you owned the kingdom.  Now you have to share it, no matter who's paying the bills.
That's why the Home Alone movies were made about a kid.  If it was a man that was home alone, he'd just sit on his keister and avoid showering as long as possible.  Not exactly bold moviemaking.
Back to the whole school thing.  School movies have been popular for ages, from the superhero antics of Sky High to the undeniable personality of the classic John Hughes movies like Ferris Bueller and Sixteen Candles.  And who could forget National Lampoon's Class Reunion?  Oh, you've never heard of that one?  I don't blame you.  But I know you've heard of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  Or at least the Phoebe Cates pool scene.  Yowzah!  Heck, even the Harry Potter movies are all about school.
With school movies, especially high school movies, being the new and future hotness, it's not too surprising that New Line is trying to engineer a new franchise of films.  They were thinking about getting Lindsay Lohan before she started her downward spiral.  Well, technically, that started about the time Mean Girls came out on DVD.  It has been downhill ever since.
So anyway, they're likely going to go with an unknown.  They could always get Megan Fox.  The queen of the Transformers movie can make my Autobot change anytime. (Yeah, that's a pretty bad metaphor.  I'm not even sure what it means).
Well, the films are supposed to be about a girl who moves to a new town.  She's got special powers, but her dad wants her to keep a lid on them.  So she decides to become a stripper.  Ah, the American dream.
I heard a pitch for a movie the other day, and I really hope it gets picked up.  This 12-year-old prodigy of a director, who has already put together several projects in the far-off land of Canada, is pushing to get this flick made.  Imagine our hometown hero Shaquille O'Neal as the lead.  The entire population of the United States has been kidnapped by aliens, so Shaq has to defend the entire country with a couple of machine guns, a bazooka, and, of course, a knife.  I think 50 Cent is supposed to play his little brother in the flashbacks. I hear Paramount is considering it.  Let's keep our fingers crossed.

What with the deluge of video game movies coming our way (Hitman or Resident Evil: Extinction, anyone?), it's not surprising that even more games are making the transition to the silver screen. Within 18 months or so, expect to see a Tetris® film.  Also be on the lookout for Video Solitaire: The Motion Picture.  I don't know anything about the plot at this point, but I'm not so sure more than one person would want to see it.  There's already been a Space Invaders film; it was just renamed Independence Day.

Speaking of video game movies, there's a little documentary coming out called King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters.  Ostensibly, it's about two guys who are both trying to set the world record for high score in Donkey Kong®.  Yeah, the old arcade game where our Nintendo® mascot friend Mario™ first appeared, hopping over barrels and climbing ladders.  One competitor already has the high score in PAC-MAN®, drives a 'Vette, and has a mullet.  The other is a middle school science teacher with a heart of gold.  The film is in limited release right now but hopefully coming your way soon.

And yes, that last paragraph was completely legitimate.  Speaking of legitimating things, I have a shotgun wedding to attend. See you next month!