Saturday Night Lights

I am the sign man at LSU football games. That’s right: I am that guy before the games that writes such witticisms as, “Hey, ULL – We could have saved you a trip and just played Lee High – at least the cheerleaders would have been cuter,” and, “Our levees can hold back your little green tide” on a board and roams around the tailgaters. Of course, I change the wordings during the game, entertaining the students with much more personalized statements, as, “Don’t leave, Tulane can come back and score 7 touchdowns and win,” and, “Did I die and go to heaven, or is it Sat. night at Tiger Stadium?” Yup, that’s me.As a student at LSU and having just turned thirty, I try to enjoy the second chance that I have as a student. I know that, once I graduate, the chances I have to sit in that student section are slim to none, and even if I want to get season tickets, I am not ready to be raped by TAF on the ticket prices. I just enjoy the time I have there and you should, too. If you have never been to a game or seen one on TV, or if you are living in a hole in the ground, you should know that there is a small band of students that dresses up and does their part to help the players on to victory. Spiderman, the Oompa Loompas, the Blues Brothers, Batman, Batgirl, Wonder Woman, the Student Section Choir, Superman, those guys that paint their chests with LSU colors, and the others that take up the front part of the student section whose names I forgot. We are what happens to normal students that look to gameday weekends as a chance to get all dressed up and make complete asses of ourselves in front of 92,600 people and millions on TV. Even their chants before the game are enough to make you smile… (Rip rip rip, rap rap rap, *insert loser school* girls have the *clap clap clap*.)

If you are too old to get into the student section, then join the thousands that pitch their tents on campus and grill and get beyond plastered and taunt (appropriately) the unlucky souls that traveled all the way to Tiger Stadium to get their asses handed to them (or are there for the free LSU football lessons). Most of these people are the people you see at work each day: doctors, lawyers, grocery baggers, and Sunny Weathers. Some of these nuts don’t even have tickets to the game, but will camp out in front of the Coliseum…I mean, Tiger Stadium to hear us call the referees appropriate names. (The black, 6-foot-2, 180-pound East Baton Rouge Sheriff really doesn’t like it when I call the ref out by telling him how I’m going to whoop his sorry ass in the parking lot after the game…the ref’s ass, not the Sheriff’s.) I tip my cap to these troopers.

So come out one Saturday night and join the mayhem and madness as we actively do our part to help Coach Les Miles and the Tigers on to victory. And if you think 120,000 people are too much to handle, remember: LSU evacuates them after every game in about two hours. Beat that, New Orleans (and most of them are drunk)!