Right Channels Left - Axis of Evil 2.0

Punxsutawney Bush saw his shadow, so it looks like four more years of war to be paid for by the American people. We believe this administration has a plan for determining who our next opponent will be. Apparently, he will put into a hat the names of all the countries that pose no actual threat to us and draw one out at random.

This is how he chose Iran as the next great enemy. Luckily, we are already in the area, and they have no real military might to contend with. We were quite shocked that it wasnÂ’t Kuwait or Bangladesh that had weapons of mass destruction. While we donÂ’t agree with the war-mongering Republican Hate Machine, they could at least try to take on somebody who could be a real threat. North Korea has told us they have nuclear weapons pointed at us, and yet we are looking at Iran, whose closest thing to a weapon of mass destruction is shooting sparkler bombs from a slingshot.


Personally, I feel that a military isn’t even needed. All that does is make people defensive. If we simply abolished our military power, all other countries would do the same, and the world could be a happy place again. That is why we must recall this phony president and his sham of an administration. We have found out that he has been in league with Emperor Palpatine and is planning to make the “Star Wars” military defense a reality with the introduction of the new Death Star where the moon used to be.

The Democratic Party strongly opposes any more war; in fact, we are working on a time machine that will allow us to go back and stop American involvement in any war. ItÂ’s really none of our business what people are doing to each other around the world, as long as it doesnÂ’t involve us. We know, occasionally we get attacked by these other countries and forces, but we should overlook that, because we have to be caring and compassionate towards those people. We understand itÂ’s not the American people that they hate, but rather our Western, American ideals.

To these other nations: We hope you realize that we are trying to make our country comfortable for you. We want you to know that we realize that we are capitalist scum and evil Christian sinners; however, we are working on improving this to suit your needs and desires. We want to be the all-inclusive country, where the lion can lay down with the sheep. If the lion eats the sheep, well, thatÂ’s OK, too, because we, as sheep, understand that is just how the lion is.

Sunny Weathers is not fit to serve in any capacity as a juror or babysitter. Speechify to

sunny@redshtickmagazine.com – and yes, that really is his last name