New Reality Series Follows the Antics of Celebrity Stalkers

You know them, you love them, and some people love them more, way more. Imagine following your favorite celebrities around all day. Around the clock. Even after they go to sleep. Sending them flowers, chocolates, and animal parts. You won’t have to imagine that much longer as Fox (isn’t it always Fox?) will be putting on “Walking in the Footsteps of the Famous.”

As of right now, the show is set to be hosted by Dawnette Knight. You may know Dawnette as the alleged stalker of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Pending the outcome of her trial, she’ll take you through the world of tracking the ever-elusive quarry we civilians call “the famous.” Using the telephoto lens, shadowing your prominent prey in public, going through the garbage; you’ll learn all the tricks. Each show will feature a new stalker showing new techniques on how to follow stars such as Michael Moore, Johnny Depp, and Alyssa Milano. And just between you and me, look for yours truly in the episode featuring Charisma Carpenter. And in the episode featuring Lindsay Lohan. And in the episode featuring… well, just watch the show.

 


Van Helsing will be out on DVD soon, and the gossip around the water cooler is that there is a sequel in the works. In it, Hugh JackmanÂ’s character will be hunting the most dangerously influential vampire of all time. ThatÂ’s right, ladies and germs: the Count from Sesame Street. Not only will the Count have a legion of enemies at his whim, not only will he have an array of powers, but he will also have a secret weapon to combat the vampire hunter. So thatÂ’s one, two, three, THREE! THREE ways to kill Van Helsing! (thunderclap) Ah Ha Ha!! Look for Super Grover to have a cameo, a scene-stealing, Oscar-worthy performance.

Maybe you’ve heard that Kristanna Loken, the Terminatrix from last summer’s Terminator 3 will be playing the main character in BloodRayne, a movie based on a video game. Maybe you’ve seen Milla Jovovich in last month’s action/horror flick Resident Evil, another film based on a video game franchise. The latest video game-turned-movie is going to be a live action Pokémon movie. Look for Brendan Fraser to star as the central character. Unfortunately for the producers, the special-effects budget was cut severely. The exotic creatures will be played by real animals with cardboard attached and midgets throwing tinfoil and paper airplanes with glitter sprinkled on them.

In other entertainment news, there’ll be a video-game adaptation of “Bootie on the Bayou,” the upcoming HBO series much in the spirit of the now defunct “Sex in the City.” You’ll be able to trawl around the swamps in such exotic locales as the Atchafalaya as well as the Everglades. Look for a mate, make a roux, and foil the plots of those pesky Georgia Bulldog fans.

A little bird told me that the game CusterÂ’s Revenge will be hitting the silver screen next fall. My response? IÂ’m sure the American Indian Association would love that. Yeah, right! Anyway, until next time, keep your eyes on the stars. All the time. All the time.

If you wanna know where the stars be goin', ask Jimmy Faux – he be knowin'! Dish with him at faux@redshtickmagazine.com.