Local Loser Causes Scene

I was at a local eatery a week or so ago and watched an interesting scene. Gnat Bankston was on his cell phone when music started playing. Instead of going outside to continue his phone call (WHICH YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DO, BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT’S RUDE AND MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASS), he became irate and pulled out the classic line, “Do you know who I am?” to which a patron responded, “Yeah, you’re the guy who doesn’t stand a chance in the election.”

And for the record, I know it’s “Nat,” but he truly is more gnat-like. Gnats are pesky and annoying, but don’t really do anything, much like Mr. Bankston.

 


By the time this goes to press, the primary race will be over, and we will be gearing up for the run-off. So now, with no prior knowledge, I will use my Karnak-like skills to predict the outcome!

•    Gnat Bankston will fade back into obscurity.

•    William Daniel will become a Howard Hughes-like recluse.

•    Bobby and Kip will be in a run-off.

For those who did not fare as well:

•    Stephanie Greco: Lose the hat; itÂ’s stupid. It doesnÂ’t really matter, because you will barely beat me in the mayorÂ’s race, and IÂ’m not even running.

•    Leroy Davis: I hope that was a big bag full of cash you got to jump into the race that late to try to split the vote.

I am very glad to learn that the distributors of one of my favorite beverages finally saw through the farce that is BRNEXT. Kudos to you, Mr. Mockler. Thankfully, now I can switch back to my beer of choice.

•    Teary announcer voice: Sometimes the pain in my butt is listening to another BRNEXT ad.

Downtown Bruno is a really nosy guy who likes to keep his ear to the ground, usually because heÂ’s falling-down drunk offa too much Jager. You can dig him up at bruno@redshtickmagazine.com.