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Iberville Lands Major Hollywood Production

The Great Big StoryYet another big Hollywood production is headed to Louisiana. Production is set to begin in Iberville Parish later this year on Anal Traffic XXXVI: Sphincters of Fire. A project of Los Angeles-based Wankerville Studios, the latest chapter in the award-winning saga stars Heady Lamar and Justin Thundercock, and features a cameo appearance by Driver the Wonder Mule. 
“The state’s tax credit program made the location a real no-brainer for us,” Morty Greenbaum, Wankerville’s CEO, told Adult Rag magazine. “We found a great unused warehouse by the river that’s going to be perfect.”Wankerville told Adult Rag that Louisiana’s burgeoning film industry is becoming increasingly attractive to Hollywood producers. Not only do the tax credits make the state financially competitive, but Louisiana’s Right to Work laws “are an added plus.”
Anal Traffic will go straight to DVD, he added, and filming is expected to last three to four hours.

TAF Fundraising Mailer Angers B.R. Man

The Tiger Athletic Foundation’s spring mail campaign encouraging donations sparked outrage within Wayne Johnson, a Baton Rouge accountant and otherwise supportive LSU alumnus. In the mailout, TAF encourages members’ donations in return for earning extra “priority points” in its system for doling out tickets and parking for athletic events.

“Are my priorities in order?” Johnson asked mockingly in reaction to the mailout’s slogan. “What about [LSU Athletic Director] Skip Bertman’s goddam priorities?”

Why doesn’t Bertman give up a few of his goddam moneybags, Johnson wondered, so that football fans aren’t required to pay more for tickets every goddam f–king year?

The 1988 graduate complained that he’d given LSU his f–king money for five-and-a-half years, and the only time he heard from them was when he got a goddam parking ticket or his car was towed or his Pell grant checks were late.

“Priorities?” Johnson repeated his rhetorical question, shoving the mailout into his garbage can. “I wish TAF knew how much ass I had to kiss just to get four lousy f–king tickets to the Sugar Bowl for a bullsh–t game with Notre Dame. Man, f–k priorities!”

This MonthÂ’s Guest Columnist:

St. Helena Parish

Thank God St. Helena Parish is not Tangipahoa. People in that God-forsaken hive of no-good villainy are nothing but a bunch of thieving liberals. Liberals, I tell you, who wouldnÂ’t know a God-fearing heterosexual American if he tipped his hat and said hello.

Why, God personally set His grace upon St. Helena, and he did it years ago, when Christian Americans chased off those pagan Indians who roamed my beautiful piney woods like parking-lot vagrants. With authority from God Almighty, the early settlers, smitten with my natural beauty and resources, made me their home. They built churches. They planted crops. Their lives were as pure as the rivers flowing through my unspoiled acres.

Can anyone say the same for Tangipahoa? The hoodlums and cutthroat scoundrels who found that barren land deserve each other. They deserve the degradation and public urination to which they subject themselves.

People in Tangipahoa donÂ’t get tears in their eyes at just the sight of OlÂ’ Glory. They donÂ’t discourage the young ones from intoxicating drink and foul words, or touching each otherÂ’s privates at the church picnic, or swimming in the nude in my beautiful waterways.

You wonÂ’t find me in Tangipahoa, no sir, for I am St. Helena. And I am as pure as the sun shining upon me.

Source: Sign Ordinance Compromise Nearing

Baton Rouge business owners could be nearing a compromise with the Metro Council over proposed changes to city-parish sign ordinances. A source close to the negotiations told Red Shtick that, instead of limiting the height of business signs in East Baton Rouge Parish, a substitute measure will allow businesses to keep their current signage unchanged if they include zodiac symbols.

The source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the alternative ordinance would require the symbols, followed by the words “is awesome.”

“So, for example, if Ivar’s changed its sign to say ‘Ivar’s…Virgo is awesome,’ that would put them in compliance,” the source said.

The source cautioned, however, that the “is awesome” addition was not a final decision. The text could be required to state “so suck it.”

“Off the Wire” Corrections

Our feature on the movie 300 stated incorrectly that ancient Spartan warriors began their training at Valley Park School.

“Off the Wire” regrets the error.

Jim Bernhard, chairman and CEO of The Shaw Group, does not wear a hairpiece.

“Off the Wire” regrets the error.

Forum 35 does not hold key parties after its regular meetings.

“Off the Wire” regrets the error.