Hard Court Camelot

The similarities between LSU Men’s Basketball Coach John Brady and President George W. Bush are quite eerie. Each man succeeds a charismatic and highly controversial predecessor, only to become a charismatic and highly controversial figure himself. Each has two daughters, one of which has the initials B.B., whose first name is often misspelled by white trash, thanks to a silent-in-the-southern-dialect “A” (Brittany Brady, Barbara Bush). Each man is in his fifties.

·    Brady and Bush each have participated in events that were boycotted by stupid hippies who think they matter.

 


·    Brady had an assistant at Samford named Lincoln who told him not to take the LSU job. Bush, while governor of Texas, had an assistant named Kennedy who told him not to run for president.

·    Brady and Bush married in their twenties (to other women, not each other), each to a woman whose married name consists of three words and fifteen letters.

·    Each man was born on a Friday and took his job on a Tuesday. Bush has six assistants named “John.” Brady has an astonishing zero assistants named “George.”

·    Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

·    Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

·    John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.

·    Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.

·    Both assassins were known by their three names.

·    Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

·    Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.

·    Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

·    Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trials.

·    Both are controversial figures, and one can only guess how weÂ’ll view John Brady and George W. Bush once their respective terms are over.

Adam Wilson, a West Monroe native, is a regular on the Baton Rouge comedy scene, performing standup with Red Stick Comedy and improvisation and sketch with The Family Dinner. He can be contacted at adam@redshtickmagazine.com.