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Sweat + Coeds = Sweaty Coeds

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Once again, here on the grandiose oaks of LSU, the squirrels have begun their annual mating dance. So once again, I run across campus avoiding the caterpillars that the satanic tree rats keep humming in my direction. Mind you, I like to watch them torment freshmen and those professors that don’t curve (you know, the ones that say that your grade is “the scalar quantity of your test and homework grades”). But more important than the barrage of caterpillars and demented squirrels, our two weeks of winter and spring are over and it is getting HOT!!!

Saturday Night Lights

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I am the sign man at LSU football games. That’s right: I am that guy before the games that writes such witticisms as, “Hey, ULL – We could have saved you a trip and just played Lee High – at least the cheerleaders would have been cuter,” and, “Our levees can hold back your little green tide” on a board and roams around the tailgaters. Of course, I change the wordings during the game, entertaining the students with much more personalized statements, as, “Don’t leave, Tulane can come back and score 7 touchdowns and win,” and, “Did I die and go to heaven, or is it Sat.

Summer of Discontent

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I, like the French, have surrendered. For yet another year, summer wins. I've pulled back my forces, licked my wounds (salty!), and retreated to my last bastion of comfort – the pool. In theory, I'd retreat indoors. After all, brilliant humanitarian visionaries have, in acts of divine inspiration, granted us a reprieve from the torture in the form of air conditioning. Sadly, while those geniuses have done us all a magnificent service, it isn't entirely free.

P’tooey

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So, I learned a fun new game to play with my brain today. I had some chewing gum that I'd been chewing – some of the cheap stuff that loses its flavor after about three seconds. It had, predictably, done so. Hence, I was considering getting rid of it.My first notion was to spit it out into the trash. So, I leaned over and was about to do so, when it struck me that the can in question had no bag liner. I wouldn't really be throwing my gum away – I'd be depositing it for future generations of scientists to study in its petrified state.This seemed bad.

Highfalutin

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So, the wife has been in business for herself going on a year now, and while it's been a success, I have noticed a few changes that have gone along with it. For one thing, there's the whole "She's a Very Important Person" thing I tease her about on occasion – the way her moving and shaking means that she sometimes gets quite offended if I suggest that she could go without her cell phone for a few hours, or that she doesn't really have to check her email during sex.I don't mind, as it's all made her very happy.

Lose the Blues

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Happy New Year, everybody! Hopefully, if you made a New Year’s resolution, you haven’t already broken it, although chances are, you probably have by now. Either way, I’m sure nearly everyone is glad to see 2005 go into the history books.As for us, we at Red Shtick Magazine have made a resolution, too. As you probably know, for nearly two years, we’ve been the proverbial Evinrude® in a cesspool. This year, though, we plan to crank up that puppy to the red line!

I Need a Drink After This

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I know this is showing my age, but when I was attending LSU, there was a bar in Tigerland called Sports Illustrated (where Reggie’s is today) that was the destination of many classmates on Thursday afternoon. What was so “special” about Thursdays there? Why, it was none other than perhaps the greatest drink “special” ever known to man: “Beat the Clock.”Starting at about 4pm (or whenever it was they opened) on Thursdays, certain drinks would be priced at some ridiculously low price, like around a quarter, as I recall it.

IsnÂ’t His Hair Gray Enough Already?

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CNNÂ’s Anderson Cooper has apparently taken it upon himself to keep New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin (and the rest of the cityÂ’s leaders) honest and accountable for the billions of dollars of federal aid that have been pouring in since Hurricane Katrina. Recently, he was back in the Big Easy to follow up on NaginÂ’s progress in fulfilling his promises to rebuild the city and to ensure that the American taxpayersÂ’ money isnÂ’t being squandered.Too bad he couldnÂ’t make a similar visit to the State Capitol during the most recent legislative session.

What the Flock Are They Thinking?

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You may not be aware of this, but when we first launched Red Shtick Magazine over two and a half years ago, our premier issue coincided with the Spanish Town Mardi Gras parade. This was not happenstance: We deliberately hurried our launch date so that the first issue came out on the same weekend.

I Feel So Dirty

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In case you missed it, we had an election. We voted on secretary of state, insurance commissioner, and thirteen constitutional amendments. There were also some local issues, too.I know you probably had more important things to worry about, like going to the LSU or Southern game, clearing out your email, or cleaning the lint from your navel. In any case, not too many people cared enough to go vote. More specifically, only about 20% of the state’s 2.9 million voters showed up, according to the secretary of state’s office.

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