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The Great Big Story
BATON ROUGE – Calling it “quite simply a coup,” LSU Chancellor Sean O’Keefe announced last month the university ended its long-running search for a new system president by hiring the Rancor to succeed William Jenkins.
“While the university family was blessed to have President Jenkins, we’re overjoyed to replace him with someone of such impeccable character,” O’Keefe said. “LSU is truly destined to become one of the world’s greatest institutions of higher learning.”

The Great Big StoryHEAVEN – Telling Louisiana voters His answer “should be obvious by now,” God formally asked the state in September to quit praying for political reform.“If it hasn’t occurred to you yet, I Am a serious Omnipotent Being,” the Almighty said in a release.

TUSCALOOSA, AL – Despite Les Miles’ comments to the contrary, LSU might still be courting Alabama’s Nick Saban for a return to Tiger football.Sources in Tuscaloosa, AL, said in early December that Olde English I, the Jim & Lu Grocery private Learjet, was spotted on the runway at Tuscaloosa Regional Airport.

BATON ROUGE – Baton Rouge Business Report publisher Rolfe McCollister was named in December as the successor to TV gadget pitchman Billy Mays.Mays, who already has announced he will retire within the next five years, said McCollister was “the logical choice” as his replacement.

What’s white, has a click wheel, and can hold every last Beatles song, video, and movie? You guessed it: the iPod. These portable mp3 players have become so widespread that it’s impossible to go anywhere without seeing those in-ear “Mug Me White” headphones. For those of you still lugging around those silly, disc-playing thingies, check out what you’re missing!Few people realize that iPods were originally conceived as mind-control devices. Apple CEO Steve Jobs felt parents were ready for a product that would provide them with complete control over what went into their children’s ears.

That’s right, Xmas Shopping. Not only are you late for your son’s school play, Sticky White Xmas, you’re still stuck in the mall with little to no time to purchase Xmas presents! This masterpiece for the PSP™ is an action-adventure, survival-horror, and dramedy-filled sim with some parking-lot destruction derby thrown in for good measure. Xmas Shopping’s ability to successfully combine each of these genres has earned it the quasi-legendary Game of the Month status.

In honor of your favorite digital crackhead purchasing a brand new, third-hand PSP®, April’s reviews will exclusively feature PSP games. Sure, it’s a beleaguered little beast: Of the few games available, most are undeniably sh–tty (eternal load times, bad ports of PS2’s® worst titles, etc.), it’s laughable as an MP3 player, and Sony is a total a–hole when it comes to anti-homebrew a–holishness. The only conceivable future in which digital content is toted around in Sony UMDs™ is the same one that features the Blu-ray vs. HDVD war going nuclear.

We are nothing but a trash city. Everywhere I look, there is trash. Why do people throw their trash in the street? From their cars, their homes, and directly from their hands. People throw food wrappers, bags, and uneaten food in the street, in parking lots, and wherever they are.WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?No, don’t blame it on the increase in population or those New Orleans people; we are the problem. If you are here more than a month, this is where you live. Do you not care, are you just plain stupid, or do you have a learning disability?

Normally, Thursday night is going-out night, because it’s ladies’ night in the Capital City. But since I’m broke because gas is so high and Exxon made $10 billion in the last quarter off of me, I’m laying low at the crib, enjoying America’s favorite pastimes: watching TV and surfing the internet.While scanning my numerous channels (OK, I’ve only got basic cable ‘cuz the good cable is so damn high, too), I realized that there are a lot of reality shows on TV on Thursday night. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days, like when we had The Cosby Show?

WhatÂ’s happening, everybody? HavenÂ’t heard from the Angry Black Man in a while – I been rockinÂ’ and rollinÂ’. I been busy. ItÂ’s springtime in the capital city, and thereÂ’s a lot of romance in the air, and it hasnÂ’t been touching me. I donÂ’t know if thatÂ’s good or bad, but it is what it is.