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The Digital Crackhead: April Releases Reviewed

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In honor of your favorite digital crackhead purchasing a brand new, third-hand PSP®, April’s reviews will exclusively feature PSP games. Sure, it’s a beleaguered little beast: Of the few games available, most are undeniably sh–tty (eternal load times, bad ports of PS2’s® worst titles, etc.), it’s laughable as an MP3 player, and Sony is a total a–hole when it comes to anti-homebrew a–holishness. The only conceivable future in which digital content is toted around in Sony UMDs™ is the same one that features the Blu-ray vs. HDVD war going nuclear.

Trash

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We are nothing but a trash city. Everywhere I look, there is trash. Why do people throw their trash in the street? From their cars, their homes, and directly from their hands. People throw food wrappers, bags, and uneaten food in the street, in parking lots, and wherever they are.WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?No, don’t blame it on the increase in population or those New Orleans people; we are the problem. If you are here more than a month, this is where you live. Do you not care, are you just plain stupid, or do you have a learning disability?

The Best Unknown Show on TV

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Normally, Thursday night is going-out night, because it’s ladies’ night in the Capital City. But since I’m broke because gas is so high and Exxon made $10 billion in the last quarter off of me, I’m laying low at the crib, enjoying America’s favorite pastimes: watching TV and surfing the internet.While scanning my numerous channels (OK, I’ve only got basic cable ‘cuz the good cable is so damn high, too), I realized that there are a lot of reality shows on TV on Thursday night. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days, like when we had The Cosby Show?

Wedded Bliss

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WhatÂ’s happening, everybody? HavenÂ’t heard from the Angry Black Man in a while – I been rockinÂ’ and rollinÂ’. I been busy. ItÂ’s springtime in the capital city, and thereÂ’s a lot of romance in the air, and it hasnÂ’t been touching me. I donÂ’t know if thatÂ’s good or bad, but it is what it is. 

The Game Plan – Volume I

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This is the official hookup handbook from the Angry Black Man. Single people out there, I am fixing to present you with the book of game. To begin this highly in-depth series in Red Shtick Magazine, I bring to you proven – and I do mean proven in countless years of game – methods of hookin’ up in the capital city.First off, for the guys, there are four or five things that you really need:
1.Eye contact – trust me, it works.
2.First impression is always the best impression.
3.A good wingman.
4.Sweet talk – basically, being Southern and smooth.

In-foÂ’mercials

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Ladies and gentlemen, guys and gals, boys and girls, dudes and dudettes, gays and lesbians, mommaÂ’s daddies, babyÂ’s mommas, babyÂ’s daddyÂ’s cousins, and LilÂ’ Pete, I have come to realize that American advertisement companies have lost their damn mind.First of all, letÂ’s get to the local commercials: CelesteÂ’s soul food restaurant on Harry Drive. If you havenÂ’t been there, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.

Black Friday. Black Coffee. Black Pride

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This ain’t been the season to be jolly. OK, it has in some ways and hasn’t in othersLet’s go from the top – the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday was more like “run over your ass and push your ass down” Friday. Most white people think Black Friday is the day things get took. But it’s actually when everyone quite possibly purchases everything in that one day for the Christmas season.

What’s Up, ‘Cuz?

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Greetings and salutations. I know y’all been wondering where I been hiding. I been sick – not in the head, but actually sick.But before I continue, I want to thank the people at the Lady of the Lake hospital. Thank you for challenging my manhood, having a doctor stick his hand in my… Let’s just say, that’s messed up. While I was laying in my hospital bed, I got a lot of things done. I read countless Newsdays and US News & World Reports and Time Magazines. For some reason, the Catholic hospital newsstand don’t carry Black Tail.

Leaving Me Hard

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Moonlight and Venus bright, And one mute cry for me. So let there be no moaning in the night, When blind eyes finally see. Daybreak, the crack of dawn. And after that we part. So let the gnash of teeth be gone, For one with half a heart. High noon and blazing sun, Life wilting in the heat. Then let there be no pissing when itÂ’s done,Nor crying in defeat. Beyond the place where bubbles burst, Where fate plays every card. I hope to quench my true loveÂ’s needy thirst, From she who left me hard. end Mr. E.

The Charge of the White Brigade

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White cliffs to the left of them, Whirlpool to the right of them, Blown asunder. Into the mouth of hell swarmed the six million. Theirs was not to fathom why. Theirs was but to ride the tide.Half an inch, half an inch, half an inch onward, Burned up in an acid bath, Quagmired within bile and fat, Searching unanswered. Dying to make a mortal mortal match. Misspent outside the woman’s snatch. Nature’s blunder. Their valiant charge would have had a chance, If sent instead inside her pants. One must wonder. end Mr. E.

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