redshtickmagazineadmin's blog

Flakes, Flautas, and More Flakes

Undefined

The Winter Olympics are awful. The reason they happen only once every four years is so that people forget how boring figure skating truly is. What the hell is curling, anyway? It appears to be a team shuffleboard sport with some sort of housekeeping fetish. WomenÂ’s hockey? Really? 

Thankfully!

Undefined

I am so happy that Terrell Owens did not attempt to commit suicide. Not that I care about him as a person or a football player, because I am sicker of seeing him on TV than I am of seeing myself naked. For those of you that have seen me naked, you already know how horrendous that can be. For those that haven’t, picture…never mind; you don’t want that picture.

November 2007 BACS

Undefined

For our honorable mention entry this month, we had several candidates from which to choose. There was the West Virginia ambulance driver who was charged with DUI for transporting a patient while hopped-up on drugs. We also had a local candidate who was arrested twice in one night at two different DWI checkpoints in Tangipahoa Parish.


 

Cellulosic Ethanol: TomorrowÂ’s Fuel for Drinking and Driving

Undefined

Everybody loves alcohol. It has helped us start and win wars, itÂ’s why we changed the constitution twice, and it just makes sense. It is the social lubricant that keeps the cynically self-righteous, moral fabric of our society from chafing against the swollen genitals of our collective guilt and denial. Alcohol is natural, legal, and moral, and you can drink it off of parts of sorority chicks.The alcohol we know and love is composed mainly of ethanol, which, despite sharing a number of chemical similarities with deathanol, is widely accepted as pretty good stuff.

Thanks for Celebrities and Drugs

Undefined

Ah, celebrities and drug abuse: it doesnÂ’t get any better than that. The best drugs, the best clubs, the best lifestyle, and the worst media exposure.

Conservatruth Is Stranger than Fiction

Undefined

There are some universal truths that, once learned, become an undying light in your heart that you cannot contain. This light of absolute truth has found me. I am a lying, hypocritical, tyrant of words, yet even I cannot spin the truth I've found into the freedom-hating, satirical terrorism that I so love to write.Conservapedia is a bastion of truth and open understanding. Pointing your web browser towards www.conservapedia.com takes you one click closer to the truth, and one click farther away from forbidden knowledge.

Thanks Again

Undefined

Last November, I dedicated this column to things for which I gave thanks. Since no one told me that it sucked, I figured I’d do it again this year. Who knows, it might be the beginning of a tradition that’s just slightly less entertaining than the old Perry Como Christmas specials.First of all, I’m thankful that Louisiana voters were able to look beyond skin color and elect Bobby Jindal (aka “The Great Brown Hope”).

Ulysses “Bones” Addison and Lorri Burgess

Undefined

We always had a sneaking suspicion that the phrase “will of the people” meant absolutely nothing to some members of the East Baton Rouge Parish Metro Council. Now, thanks to their actions following the overwhelming approval of a parish-wide directive to legalize alcohol sales on Sundays, we know for certain that at least two of them don’t give a damn what the people want.

Presidential Pets: Where Do They Stand on the Issues?

Undefined

Last month, George Bush’s approval rating dropped to 31%. It would have dropped even lower had President Bush’s Scottish terrier, Barney, not participated in the latest telephone poll:

ELECTION SHOCKER: Saban Wins in Primary for Biggest A–hole

Undefined

BATON ROUGE – Nick Saban garnered 50.2% of the vote in October 20 balloting, defeating his three opponents and avoiding a runoff for the distinction as Louisiana’s biggest a–hole.
Official statewide returns show SabanÂ’s campaign benefited from a last-minute surge and edged New Orleans Congressman Bill Jefferson by less than 1,000 votes to claim victory in the primary election. David Duke and Derrick Todd Lee were a distant third and fourth, respectively.
Meanwhile, Louisiana Democrats said they plan to launch a legal challenge to the results.

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - redshtickmagazineadmin's blog