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Cosmetic Surgery Is The New Normal

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It seems as if social attitudes to cosmetic surgery are changing and it’s about time. For decades, people who looked for a bit of nip/tuck were deemed to have serious psychological or emotional issues. Apparently, the desire to improve your appearance was ‘shallow’ and was essentially the equivalent of waving the white flag in the face of social pressure. Luckily, we appear to have grown up as a society and now it’s okay to get rid of those wrinkles, ensure those love handles vanish and look 10 years younger if you want.

Cold, Hard Facts About Fitness

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Maybe it’s because I am “husky,” maybe it’s because my blood pressure is insanely close to stroke level, but I don’t remember the last time I was cold.  Actually, I am almost always hot, or at least very warm to the touch.  Conversely, my girlfriend is always freezing.  Oftentimes, I think she may be dead, with the corpselike hands and feet she always insists on touching me with.Unfortunately, it’s not just her; it’s every woman.  It’s an epidemic.  The only thing it can be is estrogen.

Duncanville, Texas

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Duncanville, Texas, which proclaims itself "The Perfect Blend of Family, Community and Business," is a city of 36,000 just southwest of Dallas. While it has about 50 places of worship, it does not have a single, registered, sexually-oriented business. It does, however, feature a late–’70s, split-level home on Cedar Ridge Drive owned by a couple of swingers.Since 2004, Jim Trulock and Julie Norris have regularly transformed their semisecluded abode, situated on a wooded, one-acre lot, into “The Cherry Pit,” a popular spot for other swingers on weekends.

New Year’s Revolution

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It’s the New Year, and everyone has resolutions.  I swear that I will lose the weight I gained this fall, quit throwing pennies at homeless people, and try to control my smart-ass mouth when I talk to random people in the street.  But since we all break our resolutions, I made one revolution: to get more involved in the mind-numbing crap that is going on in my own hometown.  So this year starts off with the battle over the casinos and the Rouzan project.

2007: The Year in Review: Part Two

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2007 was a year when America faced the difficult and serious issue of global warming and took gutsy measures to insure that our children and our children’s children would be spared the catastrophic consequences of…viewing someone else’s half-exposed buttocks. What I’m referring to, of course, is the action taken by towns across America to ban baggy pants.  Many concerned readers have written to me, demanding to know where I, as a presidential candidate, stand on this important issue.It is my position that the penalty should be commensurate with the severity of the crime.

The Writing on the Wall

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Have you taken a close look at the writing on the wall of your favorite watering hole lately? No, seriously, think about this for a second. YouÂ’re only in there for a few minutes, doing, you know, whatever it is you do in the bathroom at the bar (pee, blow, whatever), and all around you are some of the most ridiculous inscriptions you will ever encounter.I went back home to North Carolina recently, and I was out grabbing a beer with some friends, when one of them brought up a joke from the bathroom wall. (As a side note, this place wasnÂ’t even supposed to be serving alcohol.

Pregnancy, Profession, and Prognostication

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2008!  Wow, whoÂ’da thunk it? I thought I'd be dead by now, like John Belushi or Chris Farley, but I guess I'm not famous enough.  Whatever shall I do with these extra 365 – wait! – 366 days that I've been granted by Fate, Destiny, and Providence?! After I take out the garbage.  And tear all of my hair out because Jessica Alba is freakin' pregnant!Speaking of pregnant, I just want to say one thing about Britney's little sister Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant: Is anyone shocked by this?  And their mother was going to write a book about parenting.

David Pfahler

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This monthÂ’s hero is an unlikely one, to say the least. HeÂ’s David Pfahler, a 60-year-old attorney whoÂ’s suing an 8-year-old boy for injuries he sustained from a collision on a ski slope in Beaver Creek, Colorado.Like martyrs fighting for what they hold dear (in this case, a healthy settlement), Pfahler and his wife have been vilified by an internet lynch mob that has branded them as greedy and irrational.

Father Time is One Mean Mother

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With yet another turn of the calendar, we usher in another new year. For me, that also means another impending birthday, since mine falls on the sixth day of the year. In the Roman Catholic Church, that day is known as the Epiphany, which seems befitting, since the last few times it’s rolled around, I’ve had an epiphany that I’m getting old.With this one, I turn 38, which means I’m only two years from 40. Guys, you know what that means – I’m two years from getting the finger.

The Uncivil Servant: Part XII

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Brad stared at the wall for a minute, contemplating suicide. As was usually the case, it sounded like more work than it was worth. He also had his doubts as to its implications: That whole meeting God thing left him with a sneaking suspicion about what would happen if he did take his own life. He'd be punished. In fact, he was more than slightly afraid that the punishment was already under way.

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