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Updated date: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 - 12:06

It’s the New Year, and everyone has resolutions. I swear that I will lose the weight I gained this fall, quit throwing pennies at homeless people, and try to control my smart-ass mouth when I talk to random people in the street. But since we all break our resolutions, I made one revolution: to get more involved in the mind-numbing crap that is going on in my own hometown. So...

2007: The Year in Review: Part Two

Updated date: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 - 12:06

2007 was a year when America faced the difficult and serious issue of global warming and took gutsy measures to insure that our children and our children’s children would be spared the catastrophic consequences of…viewing someone else’s half-exposed buttocks. What I’m referring to, of course, is the action taken by towns across America to ban baggy pants. Many concerned readers have...

The Writing on the Wall

Updated date: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 - 12:06

Have you taken a close look at the writing on the wall of your favorite watering hole lately? No, seriously, think about this for a second. YouÂ’re only in there for a few minutes, doing, you know, whatever it is you do in the bathroom at the bar (pee, blow, whatever), and all around you are some of the most ridiculous inscriptions you will ever encounter.I went back home to North Carolina...

Pregnancy, Profession, and Prognostication

Updated date: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 - 12:06

2008! Wow, whoÂ’da thunk it? I thought I'd be dead by now, like John Belushi or Chris Farley, but I guess I'm not famous enough. Whatever shall I do with these extra 365 Â– wait! Â– 366 days that I've been granted by Fate, Destiny, and Providence?! After I take out the garbage. And tear all of my hair out because Jessica Alba is freakin' pregnant!Speaking of pregnant, I just...

David Pfahler

Updated date: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 - 12:06

This monthÂ’s hero is an unlikely one, to say the least. HeÂ’s David Pfahler, a 60-year-old attorney whoÂ’s suing an 8-year-old boy for injuries he sustained from a collision on a ski slope in Beaver Creek, Colorado.Like martyrs fighting for what they hold dear (in this case, a healthy settlement), Pfahler and his wife have been vilified by an internet lynch mob that has branded them as greedy...