So apparently, the Louisiana Legislature decided to allow people with concealed carry permits to carry guns into houses of worship. Boy, am I glad that oil leak is over, all the water is clean, and everything is back to normal.

It has to be. That’s the only way our House and Senate could have wasted time on this garbage. 

Honestly, I don’t go to church as much as I should, but I don’t ever recall thinking “This guy two pews over is looking kinda shifty … I wish my Glock was on my hip instead of in the truck.”

Although I am fairly sure that if, during the offering, the guy collecting pulled back his coat and let that Smith & Wesson be seen, God’s children might be a little more generous. 

Maybe I’ve always gone to the wrong churches, but I can’t recall a single time that any minister ever needed to be strapped to get the attention of the congregation, and frankly, if there is ever that time, I’ve got to assume he is doing it wrong.

My article on the proper form of greeting seems to have churned up quite the debate. By that, I mean people actually emailed me with ideas rather than the usual profanities that get hurled at me. 

I took one of them to heart; it had just the right balance of pithiness and truthful undertones, so I decided that it is actually the way to go, and I’m surprised that I never realized this myself. 

The only true way to greet someone is the classic head nod. This eliminates two problems:

Now I don’t have to hug girls.

Sure, a hug sounds like a good idea, unless you are awkward and somewhat creepy (for example: me). When I hug, I usually hold it for too long, or sometimes push my hips forward too much.

I’m not doing it on purpose; I’m just not a good hugger … OK, maybe I am doing it on purpose, but that is neither here nor there.

It eliminates the need for ANY human contact at all. 

If there is one thing the world needs less of, it’s people touching other people.

People touching people is the number one cause of disease. Touching people can spread swine flu, lupus, herpes … or is it rabies? One is an STD, and the other is an STD in Walker … either way, touching is what causes it. 

Let’s face it: People are disgusting and have terrible hygiene. I see people walking out of the bathroom without washing their hands every time I am in there. Usually, it’s because I see myself in that mirror on the way out the door, but still…

The head nod might seem complicated, but it’s actually quite simple.

If you are of higher stature than the person you are nodding to, you do the head-up nod. So if you see an employee, BP official, or your girlfriend’s ex, you give them the head-up nod.  

Conversely, if you see your boss, a potential felon, or your buddy who scored two girls at the same time, you acquiesce and do the chin-to-chest head-down nod. 

For those times when you are on equal footing, you just tip your head toward the arm that you write with. 

If all else fails, just throw the Double Deuces and make a gangsta face.