And the home of the brave!!! Well, this has been a rousingly patriotic summer, has it not? We've seen secret agents hanging out with mild-mannered blonde babes, and what's more American than that?

We are just hitting the swing of the summer season, though. There are still many movies to enjoy as we gobble down hot, buttery popcorn, nachos with hella-hot jalapenos, and wash it all down with 96 ounces of carbonated, caffeinated goodness. Ah, America!

Box Office Blues

So the box office is underperforming. Maybe if the people behind MacGruber and Jonah Hex had spent a little more time going to film school and a little less time passed out at the bottom of a public bathroom stall, things might have turned out differently.

The summer season (as far as anyone in Tinseltown can tell) runs from Memorial Day to Labor Day. And what with a powerhouse like Iron Man 2 entering the fray early, the party starts when the party starts! July and August are still open, and the possibilities are endless.

What is going on with the box office these days? Good movies are still doing well, as is the Twilight saga. With a Karate Kid-sized surprise last month and the unsurprising success of yet another Pixar movie, there is still hope.

But a box office down over 150 million smackers doesn't bode well for 2010 overall. What will we look back on years from now? "Oh yeah, 2010! That was a great year for movies! There was Toy Story 3, and … and … um … er …"

It's not like 30 years ago. I guess you can all recall that this year is the 30th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back. The best entry in the Star Wars saga debuted back in 1980 and not only redefined the space opera but introduced a whole generation of moviegoers to the idea of not having a happy ending in a movie.

There have been noble hero sacrifices and "unhappy" endings in the past (Cyrano de Bergerac, Casablanca, To Kill a Mockingbird), but how many of those had Burger King glasses with the main heroes? It's like "Hey, kids, come see this movie and watch horrible things happen to these characters you've come to know and love!"

Sure, it was a middle point of a trilogy, but how are you going to explain to a five-year-old that everything will work out … THREE YEARS FROM NOW?! But it worked. And it endures.

Staying with the 1980 nostalgia for a moment, think about these movies that also came out in 1980: 9 to 5 (memorable for the theme song alone — that and the phrase "sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot"); Flash Gordon (the very definition of a cult classic); and The Blues Brothers (back when "We're on a mission from God" really meant something).

Maybe I'm just pining for the good ol' days, but given the disappointment that has plagued this first half of the summer, can you blame me?

Then again, this is only the first half of the summer we're talking about. We still have Predators, Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, and Piranha 3-D to look forward to. Oy, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Okay, I am looking forward to Salt, The Expendables, and, most of all, Inception. But don't let it get around. I have a reputation to protect. And some actresses to stalk.

Fame

Me, I wouldn't mind being famous. You know you've really made it when you get a nickname.

For instance, there was James Brown, the Godfather of Soul. For me, being a sometime comedian, I could be the Godfather of Droll! Or I could get into the pineapple canning industry and become the Godfather of Dole. Or run the mafia in South Korea's capital and become the Godfather of Seoul!

I could always just be a stripper and be the Godfather of Pole! I guess that would work if I took Santa Claus' place, as well.

Keep barbecuing!