Blood Alcohol
Championship Series
In the illustrious history of the BACS, Red Shtick Magazine has only featured drivers who drank before getting behind the wheel and/or while driving. This month, though, our honorable mention entry imbibed both before and after crashing his vehicle. In fact, he was still drinking when police showed up.
An Immodest Proposal...or Five
Pro-Lifers Protest Aborted Rocket Launch
Anti-abortion activists gathered outside the gates of the Cape Canaveral Air Force Station in Florida last month to rally against a decision to abort the launch of a private space company’s rocket.
Approximately a half-dozen members of Operation Rescue, led by founder Randall Terry, carried homemade signs, shouted slogans, and loudly prayed the rosary...
CEOs of Major Corporations Often Kept in the Dark
Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition
Revolutionary Revelry
Ink on Your Crack
...I don’t think that you intentionally “misdefecated” all over yourself for having the courage to commit political hari-kari by standing up
for your convictions and
apologizing to the Darth Vader
of environmental catastrophes.
...I am fairly sure that if, during the offering, the guy collecting pulled back his coat and
let that Smith & Wesson be
seen, God’s children might
be a little more generous.
There are no two identical tramp stamps in the world.
I should know;
I’ve checked them all.
...Americans have been renowned for our patriotism, happily putting aside morals and personal ethics in favor of supporting our country as the greatest place on earth, simply because we were born here.
Hero Highlight
Sphincter Spotlight
Back to Bonnaroo
I figured a girl skipping around calling herself Panda was more than likely high on acid.
Star-Spangled Cinema
Maybe if the people behind MacGruber and Jonah Hex had spent a little more time going to film school and a little less time passed out at the bottom of a public bathroom stall, things might have turned out differently.
I’m a Playa Like the U.S. at the World Cup
The U.S. was once married to American football. American football was big and strong, and the U.S. was drawn to its power.
When BP CEO Tony Hayward finally faced a congressional committee last month, a lot of folks anxious to see him get grilled were upset when he effectively didn’t say a damn thing.
I, for one, however, was not. After all, only a day after agreeing to set up a $20 billion escrow account, he was merely following James Carville’s advice to “lawyer up, shut up, and write checks.”
Setting Oil Turds on Fire
So, this might be the year I go to the beach. Voluntarily. On purpose.
Not so much because I want to (I don’t) as because I have children. And taking them to the beach is one of those “things” you do. As a father. So I might.
Why this year? A giant, goopy soup of oil and dispersant, that’s why.
Tar balls and dinosaur mousse mean folks are gonna stay away, and that attracts me like a nonpolar solvent to a hygroscopic droplet of crude.
The Solution Is All Up in Us
Rumors suggest that Keystone beer is a combination of sewage from Denver, Rohypnol, and pheromones from a rhinoceros, but its word-of-mouth popularity scares me much more than the ingredients.
Estranged Bedfellows
The Great Big Story
Leaves of Grass
…so obviously, as a person, he is the antichrist…but he’s also one talented lil mofo. And like any abused wife, I shall continue to love him until one of us is dead.
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