I learned I’d work there if their TVs showed hockey games! (And also if I had giant knockers.)

I grew up in Pittsburgh, PA. This was during the “Lemieux Era,” when the Penguins had TWO whole years to violate Lord Stanley’s Cup. My friends and I didn’t hang out at the mall on weekends. Our skates were on the ice!

Flashback…

Brad couldn’t even pay token attention. He clearly needed an amphetamine infusion to give him that narrow-field focus, but he hadn’t had a chance to run by the apartment and restock on pharmaceuticals. His mind was adrift on an ADD inland sea.

Marion was now discussing how difficult it would be for a hacker to gain illicit access to the phone system. Brad found this puzzling, considering that there couldn’t be anything in the world less interesting than the phone calls that went in and out of the office.

Once again, I’m feeling a bit generous this month. Unfortunately, I don’t have anything of monetary value to offer in these tough economic times. For that, you’ll have to look to the federal government. Lord knows our governor won’t give you sh–t.

It’s been said that sex is a weapon. For some, lack of sex could be torture. That’s why this month’s hero is suing a group of women for his not having sex for a rock-solid week.

James Kimondo filed suit against the leaders of the G10, a coalition of women’s groups that called for a seven-day national booty boycott to persuade Kenya’s men to put an end to the political divisions that threaten to destroy the Grand Coalition Government of President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Ralia Odinga. In other words, they tried to get a bunch of egocentric men to love one another by withholding love.

Karen Robards is a bestselling author of romance novels who’s written books with titles such as Obsession, Scandalous, Forbidden Love, and Desire in the Sun. Desire in the Sun is the story of Lilah and Joss – two star-crossed lovers sometime in the 1800s who struggle against the social mores of their time for the right to spend the rest of their lives having torrid sex. This book was recommended to me by one of the girls in my office, who told me she preferred Karen Robards’ books over other romance authors’ because Karen Robards’ books had more “detail.”

Hmmm ... “detail” ... “maybe it’s like a James Michener novel,” I thought.

The Great Big Story

Civil liberties advocates vowed to vehemently oppose a bill filed in the Legislature that would mandate hands-free daiquiris for Louisiana motorists.

“Nobody’s saying you can’t enjoy a refreshing, ice-cold daiquiri,” Representative Austin Badon (D-New Orleans) said while introducing House Bill 371. “All we’re asking is that if you’re on the road, you keep both hands on the steering wheel.”

Thanks to LSU, Penske, and my old roommate, we have moved from the 500,000-population Baton Rouge to join the 15,000 residents of Alamosa County, Colorado. And while you people fight and jaw over a loop around Baton Rouge, I am living across from the light rail system in town. No bus line, no Waffle House, no humidity, no interstate, and only 12 traffic lights, but we have a train station with three different light rail lines.

The San Luis Express leaves Alamosa every morning to travel to the La Veta Pass with a stop in La Veta for antiquing and lunch. If you want a trip across a beautiful mountain range in order to visit the equivalent of downtown Denham Springs, come on over, because I’m saving you a seat. And if you come on the weekend, you get the treat of a steam engine.

That's it. The summer has peaked. Star Trek has come out, and Wolverine and the Terminator have made their appearances. That's it. There's nothing left to look forward to.

Okay, except maybe Harry Potter. But that's it. Harry Potter and Transformers. That's all, though. Just those two. Harry Potter, Transformers, and Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds.

The argument about whether water-boarding is torture or merely an enhanced interrogation technique has been getting a lot of play lately. Many conservatives hold fast to the belief that it is not torture, probably because that’s what the gospel according to former President George W. Bush says. That’s why what conservative radio host Erich “Mancow” Muller did is ideological heresy.

Last week, I was reading the newspaper online … because why would you pay for it when they give it to you free and you don’t have to go out in the rain to get it?

At any rate, I came across what could be the worst thing ever: a picture drawn by a court sketch artist. Maybe it’s not a bad job, but seriously, it’s 2009 and you make your living with colored pencils?